This website is all about getting more freedom in our lives. The way to go about this is working on different business projects to get more money, getting in the gym to get healthy, and putting in work being sociable to have positive relationships in our lives.
The problem for a lot of people lies in the relationships. At some point in the process of doing all this work, it’s a good idea to ask yourself why.
Whether we want to believe it or not, a lot of what we do is controlled by subconscious urges. The desire to reproduce secretly commands most, if not all of what we do. What ends up happening though is that we’ll get into a relationship with someone down the line and it will completely sabotage any gains we’ve made. Relationships have a way of making a man complacent, and thus making us feel as though we can finally take a rest.
There is no rest. Ever.
A Vicious Cycle
Here’s a typical relationship cycle:
- Meet other person, go out for a while
- Girl enamored with guy
- Couple gets comfortable, finally show who they really are
- Guy starts getting complacent because he’s got his relationship squared away
- Girl starts losing respect for him because he’s not on the grind like he was when they met
- Girl breaks up with guy
The guy never learns and then goes out and finds another woman to get in a relationship. He doesn’t learn why they broke up, because to do so would lay blame on himself and the ego is too strong to admit any fault.
Break the Cycle
You have a couple ways to stop this from happening. The first thing you could do is just never get into a relationship. This is easier said than done, and often times more work than it’s really worth.
The better option to take is to continue on your path and try to tone down or zone out as much as you can the hidden influence of reproduction in your pursuits. Replace this rationale with something that won’t ultimately sabotage your progress.
In other words, don’t make chasing women your ultimate pursuit. Make it something else.
I’m not saying to become a hermit in lieu of talking to people, but just move getting into a relationship, having sex, or having children down on the priority list behind your business and health goals.
Paradox
You may think to yourself that if you don’t treat meeting women seriously you will never have women in your life. The irony here is that it’s often the opposite because once you start getting progress in your business pursuits, you will start having success with women as well. It just happens that way.
Men with a mission in life besides women have a certain swagger, a certain charisma about them that makes them attractive.
A great example of this that comes to mind was the PUA movement of the mid 2000’s. A number of groups formed to teach men how to pick up women. The main people in this movement were focused on building a business around this concept. This gave them a certain edge. The head honchos of the PUA movement became attractive. Then there were hoards of copycats who weren’t really as business savvy as the leaders in the field. They were in it to actually meet women, and maybe make a few bucks on the side. Is it any wonder that we don’t hear from them today?
Don’t compromise on your mission
If the only reason you are hustling is to eventually be cool enough, and have enough money to be impressive enough for women, then you will most likely meet failure. Your reason should be a higher ideal than that.
My ideals are self sufficiency, freedom, and answering to myself. Women are there in that mix somewhere, but I’m confident enough in myself now that I can go out and meet them on my own accord. You have to strike a balance in your life or else the whole thing goes out of whack.
How women have tried to compromise me
Maybe your experience has been different, but whenever I start going out with women they always try to get me to lay off my usual routines. Here’s a couple examples that have happened to me:
- Women tried to get me to change my healthy diet. They couldn’t figure out what the big deal was about eating healthy.
- Women tried to stop me from going to the gym at night. I could only go at 9-10 PM at the time and they wanted to go out and didn’t like waiting to go out.
- Women have sucked up my time with BS which could be better served working on my business.
Sometimes I resisted this compromise and sometimes I didn’t. Every time I didn’t it didn’t work out for the best. Eventually they feel the power shift and lose respect.
Every time I resisted this compromise, the women were initially peeved but still held respect for me.
Ever notice a lot of the advice out there for getting over a breakup is to start working on you? The reason for this is to get your mind from dwelling on shit, and at the same time to get you back to the guy you used to be before compromising.
Here’s some advice once you get back to being that guy again: Don’t compromise on your ideals, and stay on target.
-Tate
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Tate, I really like almost all of your articles, except this one. Relationships are complex things. Romantic relationships are exponentially more complex. I know you see friends, family, strangers all with a significant other, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a husband, or a wife and they make it seem easy but that is just what we see in public. There is a lot of shit going on behind closed doors between just the two people in the relationship that is not all sunshine and roses.
Relationships are often a, “Vicious Cycle,” as you call it, because one or both parties is trying to attract the other by acting like someone they are not. Chick dress slutty and act really cool and like-able to get guys to fall in love with them. Guys act in a wide range of ways to get girls to fall in love with them. The problem is that the behaviors they put forward are completely false representations of who that person actually is.
So once that couple gets comfortable and over time they finally show who they really are to each other. The guy or girl starts acting like his normal self while he/she is in this relationship. Then they start losing respect for one another because they are dating some made up facade they other person used to attract them. So they naturally break up.
This is a pretty common course of events but still only one of the many possible course of events a relationship can take. There are plenty of crazy bitches out there. There are plenty of young and dumb bitches out there. There are plenty of jaded bitches out there and everywhere in between. There are also so good bitches out there. They are hard to find but they are out there.
These good bitches, are not going to try to get you to change your healthy diet. They will embrace it with you. They will understand what the big deal is about eating healthy. These bitches will never try to stop you from going to the gym at night. They will fucking go with you even at 9-10 PM. There are bitches out there that will not waste a lot of your time, which could be better served working on your business. I think there are a few bitches that will give you a new reason to work hard, to be successful, to be the best Tate you can be.
Also in any relationship there will be compromises. This is actually a good thing if you are a good negotiator. Sometimes there is a middle of the road compromise where both parties agree. Sometime you make a concession now in return for a concession later. This can also be considered a trade, you get your way on this but I get my way on this thing. You can not win every battle but you can let her know what you will not compromise on right from the beginning. This will weed out the incompatible ones right away.
Know who you are. Know your values. Stick to them. Embrace them. Women will find you attractive when you stick to your values. They may try to shit test you, go hard against your values just to see how you react and see how weak or strong willed you are. But if you stick to guns, if you stick to your beliefs, your values, then you have a best chances of attracting the right girl, that may also hold the same beliefs and values.