Back when I was working my 9-5 job, I would go into the office every now and then to play softball games which were held across the street. Every time I went into the office I regretted it. Going into one of these places literally steals your soul and I could actually feel my testosterone level dropping. The cubicle nightmare is a place where dreams die, populated by sad folks who have given up.
One of the interesting things about my company was that it was voted best place to work in Philly for a few years in a row. I have no idea how that was possible, but I have since come up with a theory that the companies on that list are more than likely all shitty places to work. Can’t prove it though, so you’ll just have to take my word.
At our company, there was an event every Wednesday called “Free Pizza Wednesday.” On Wednesdays they would have some clown in the office order a bunch of pizzas and then go put them out in the cafeteria.
I didn’t work in the office that often so when I saw what was going on, I said the hell with this and took an hour lunch. There’s a supermarket in Pennsylvania called Wegmans that is pretty top tier. Their salad bar/hot foods area is substantial. I went there every day for lunch choosing to pay for food rather than eat free pizza.
This was met with skepticism at first and then bewilderment when it continued every week. I specifically remember one instance in which a girl said to me, “Are you dumb or something? You realize there’s free pizza in there?”
I’d like to address something that has been bothering me for years. It’s the idea that “everyone loves pizza”. Pizza is absolute garbage. There are always arguments about who has the best pizza, or people will say, “Oh, they have good pizza.” I’ve never understood what they were talking about. Am I the only one that can’t taste a noticeable difference between pizza places?
Pizza is just a bunch of dough spread out, with a load of disgusting grease and cheese on it. What is so good about this? It takes absolutely no effort to make either. There’s a reason that there is a pizza place on every corner in every city. It’s easy and cheap food to make that they can then turn around and sell for inflated prices. Because it’s also a huge chunk of food, families that give no effort will go out and buy a pizza and feed their kids instead of making a healthy meal themselves. Everyone that likes pizza is straight up being played.
Pizza is slop that weighs you down
If you would walk around my office at around 2:00 PM in the afternoon, you would have seen the walking dead. Everyone would be getting tired and looking like they were about to fall asleep. I don’t know for sure, but I bet around that same time, productivity across the board went down.
People were trying to work with a huge ball of dough and cheese in their stomach. Their bodies were fighting so hard to try and digest it that it was drawing energy from other processes, like thinking. It was incredible to witness.
Myself, I usually had a lunch of hard boiled eggs, spinach, fish, and rice. This was clean food that gave me energy in the afternoon. I was always on my game. I cared more about being prepared for my softball game than being productive to be honest, and I didn’t want to be falling asleep hours before a game.
What kind of company wants less productivity?
It’s not good food
Looking into the free lunch phenomenon in offices, I have found that most companies offer some type of free lunch. They usually like to spend as little money as possible. Thus, the food is of suspect quality. It’s usually some type of pizza or sandwich spread, and I ask, what’s the point?
Listen, I appreciate the thought of having someone pay for lunch, but most companies are just doing this because they feel like they have to. They put minimal effort into the program because the bottom line is what’s most important. They are doing just enough to retain workers and boost a little moral.
I remember when I first started working at the company, certain teams would have office pot lucks and bring a bunch of food in. It was usually really good stuff with chili, soups, and ribs or chicken. All home made, all healthy. This was very early on, and eventually other teams started the same thing, except the other teams weren’t into the whole cook it yourself thing.
It’s important to eat right no matter what you are doing in my opinion. Having an office job is unhealthy for a myriad of reasons, but don’t make it worse by having a bad diet as well.
The coffee was complete garbage as well
Perhaps I’m a bit of a coffee snob because I make my own cold brew coffee, but the coffee that was offered by our office was pretty bad. It makes sense too, because it was one of those instant coffee machines where you put a package in the machine and it spit out coffee. The brand name was Flavia and I’m convinced they put plastic in the coffee.
If you are at all thinking about getting into coffee, please take a look at my post on cold brew coffee. In my opinion it blows everything else away. Of course, I always liked iced coffee better than hot coffee. The advantage here is that you can brew a pot at your house, then have it ready the next morning and take it with you and have it available to get hyped all day.
Embrace not taking handouts from your company, and escape
None of the free stuff that my company was offering was any good. Just a bunch of fluff to get you to forget that they are paying you less than you deserve for the job you are doing.
Once I saw what was going on in my office, I opted out. It wasn’t too long after that where I decided to get the hell out. Besides all the other obvious reasons for not working at an office, do you want to work somewhere where they see it as acceptable to feed you slop? Once you decide in your head you are done, plan your escape, and execute!