Folks, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been dumped by girls a couple times in the past. It’s part of the reason I hate women. Wait what? What I’m trying to say is that I have a good amount of experience in having to deal with this. This is usually a time filled with emotional pain, regret, and constantly thinking back to what happened. Yeah, I know all about it. It sucks. We’ll get you through it.
This article deals with men getting over a breakup with a woman. I’m a man, so I have no idea what it’s like for a female getting broken up with by a guy. I assume it’s the same, but I hesitate to put my own mind anywhere near that of the female perspective as it scares me oh so much. This post assumes the woman broke up with the man.
Handle your Emotions
First and foremost you have to get a handle on your emotional state. Anything else you do to combat your current condition will be hindered by a feeling of neediness if you don’t handle this first. A lot of the advice out there says something to the effect of just get out there and get laid. However, there’s a pretty big problem with that, and that is that after a breakup, guys tend to come off looking needy as fuck. Handle your emotions first.
1) Realize that you are feeling shitty because you aren’t in control. Understand that you would feel much better if you were somehow able to predict her breaking up with you, and break up with her first. I’m not saying to ever do that, but I’m just illustrating that to point out that it hurts a lot more when someone else dictates the path of your relationship. Realize that if they broke it off, it’s over. You do yourself a disservice by spending mental energy thinking about this person. Strive to break off emotional ties as soon as possible to begin healing.
2) Having trouble breaking emotional ties? Think of all the ways they were shitty to you. I’m sure in this state you are thinking about how they were really great and you’ll never have someone like them again. This not only isn’t true, but is counter productive to your healing. Did they lie to you a lot? Did they cheat on you? Did they give you shit all the time? Are these extreme examples? Of course, but focusing on these factors at this stage helps you to stop putting this girl on a pedestal.
3) This was just some girl you dated. People go out and break up all the time, why should you be any different? Love and soul mates are a bunch of stuff that people made up in their heads. The only reason you still have feelings for her and are obsessed is because you can’t have her anymore. Don’t worry about it because it wasn’t meant to be. This should be obvious to you as you aren’t together anymore.
4) Understand that there are a shit load of people in the world, many of whom happen to be women. Billions of women exist in the world, and yet you are hung up on one. Realize that out of those billions there are millions that are either better looking or generally have better qualities.
5) This is actually a good thing. Consider this, instead of breaking up, you guys stayed together and your girl popped out a few of your kids. However, the situation isn’t really different and you guys still break up, just later. I submit that your situation is much more favorable than my hypothetical nightmare. Just keep thinking, “At least I don’t have to pay child support.” Full disclosure, if you are reading this and that is your exact scenario, just forget #5.
6) You are a human being, and you have emotions. Don’t feel sorry for yourself because you are sad. Accept that. There’s dumb guidelines on the internet that go something like for every month together you will be sad for two months or something. In my experience you get over it when you get over it. Just don’t worry about it too much.
The fact is that you will be fucked in the head for a while. Embrace this as it’s a perfect time to get your shit together. Use the pain of the breakup to better yourself. This will in turn lead to getting more chicks, and most likely a more baller girlfriend. Just don’t be in a rush.
1) One of the best things to do is to start laughing again. Do this anyway you can. Personally I don’t find that much stuff funny unless it’s either really stupid, or really fucked up. This is a hard task for me, but I found something the other day that is pretty foolproof. Check out these guys called ‘Impractical Jokers’. Fair warning: this stuff is lowest common denominator dumb, but for some reason it cracks me up. The point is to create some levity and lower the seriousness level. Also steer clear of any sappy bullshit. No R&B at all!
2) Hit the gym hard brother! Going to the gym is always a good thing after a breakup. That feeling in your head where you’re like, “Ahhh, that fucking asshole!” Use that rage to destroy a set of squats. I’ve found this is powerful stuff and will let you get some serious gains. This is part of an overall strategy of bettering yourself in the aftermath. This is especially important if you never go to the gym. Build yourself back up after you were torn down.
3) Connect with friends to chill. Your friends are there to help. Make a point to meet up with them and have a laugh. This is the first step to being social again. Don’t worry too much about talking with women again, just have a good night of no pressure with your good friends.
4) Do a self analysis on why you broke up. Were you getting too clingy? Not being decisive or showing man characteristics? Remember, you are the man in the relationship and she was attracted to you in the first place, so you were doing something right at the beginning. Relationships have a way of changing the way a dude acts. I know it does for me. Strive to fix that for the next go around.
5) Are you stuck in a rut? Has your life become boring as shit? Maybe you need to quit your job and start a business. I’m not a scientist, but I think women generally like dudes who dictate their own lives. This is a male quality. If you are Joe Cubicle worker, you may not even like yourself. How then do you expect broads to dig you?
6) Finally, after you got your shit together in your life and have built yourself up, feel free to go out and talk to women again. If you actually did the above steps you’ll fall right back into your old game. It’s actually not that hard. Look your best, have simple conversation, touch women and see if they stick around. If they do, game on.
By now I hope you are feeling better. I’ll just offer up a few points to consider. You may be thinking to yourself that even though you are better, you are still pissed at your former partner for whatever reason. Realize this: the best revenge is living a great life. I can almost guarantee that you could look back at this person 5 years from now and see that they are either fat, have the same boring job, or posting sappy shit on facebook. Follow my steps in taking action and you will look back on all this adversity and laugh. Just another bump in the road gents.
Another quick point to think about is that you shouldn’t contact your ex. That is weak as shit. Trust me, I’ve done some weak shit, and it never feels good. You’re not in a position to change anything since you were not the one who broke it off. Therefore it will only cause you more heartache. Don’t under any circumstances contact them.